An Expository Essay on the Arrangement of International Commerce

This is a series of emails set off by an ad I posted on craigslist looking to sell my bicycle. Basically, some scammy little schemer replied with a bizarre series of requests. They try to disguise themeselves as standard purchase enquiries, but you can usually tell the scams from their bizarrely incorrect grammar. Kind of like those first generation terminators with the rubber skin. I've bumped into this particular scam a few times since this one, but have yet to figure out what, exactly, a scammer has to gain from this particular trick. In any case, what follows is an actual email conversation. Incoming emails are blue, and outgoing messages are orange


Greetings, i am Claudy , i was looking for a bike
like yours and i got your AD on craigslist over your bike for
sell.
I am really interested on it as i need the bike as soon as possible.
Please get back at me as soon as possible with the answer to
the
following question below so that we can proceed to payment.

1 what is the condition of the bike
2. your final selling price
3. method of payment
4. reason why the bike is been sold.
5. a contact phone number were i can reach you.

Please get back at me as soon as possible., i will also appreciate it if you could email me some few more pictures of the bike.
Thanks.

[claudy]

Claudy:

1. The bike is in excellent condition, in need only of the occasional maintenance tune up at the owners' discretion.
2. My final selling price is $300.
3. I will accept cash.
4. I'm selling this bike because I need the money.
5. I don't give out my contact number to buyers any more. If you wish to speak with me, reply with your number and I'll call you
promptly.
I've attached an image of the bike for you.

Thanks,

Eric


Thanks for your mail,the price is reasonable and i also love the bike,Well i would have loved to come and pay cash and take the bike from you but i will be on my way to UK for my daughters wedding,I have just contacted my shipper right now and i was told he is out of town.So i will send you a cashiers cheque of $800,as soon as you receive it,exchange it for cash at your local bank and take your money out and send
the rest of the money to my shipping agent in south Africa via MONEY GRAM money transfer ,who will come over for pick up andalso pick some other furniture and wedding materials i bought from a friend for my daughter and have them shipped to South Africa for me. Please get back at me with your name,address and contact phone
number so that i can send the payment before i leave tonight.
Waiting to hear from you.
Thanks




Splendid! Looks like we have a deal. Sadly, I've chartered a tuna skiff to Mumbai, and it leaves tonight from pier 34 at the stroke of midnight. I have taken the liberty of notifying Goodwin, my man Friday, of the pending transaction; he has graciously agreed to act as liaison in this affair.

To proceed with the sale, send your $800 cashiers cheque via pack mule to Union Station in East LA. Have the accompanying Sherpa drop the cheque, sealed in a tattered manila envelope inscribed with the word 'carbuncle,' into the third trash bin from the rear wall of the main concourse. Goodwin will be waiting disguised as an blind epileptic wino with kidney failure. Can't miss him.

Once Goodwin limps, in character, back to the compound, he'll redirect your payment via a series of carrier pigeons to my offshore bank in Abuja, Nigeria. Upon verified receipt of the funds, the banker will make the hand off of the excess funds to a trained pedigree racing gorilla. The gorilla (whose name is Clobert, pronounced kloh-BEAR) will knuckle walk your cash right to your doorstep in South Africa.

The moment these cursory steps have been taken, we might proceed with the transfer of goods. I've contracted the services of one Rolf Sorenson, the Danish cyclist and 1996 olympic silver medalist, to transport the bike from Los Angeles to Dade county, Florida. There the bike will be loaded onto a container ship whose destination is Bermuda. After making landfall, Rolf is instructed to ride the bicycle, while dressed in the customary knee length tube socks and much ballyhooed shorts bearing the islands name, to the designated drop point. Here will he leave the bike loosely tied to a crooked lamp post situated in downtown St. George on the Northeast corner of the intersection of Duke of York street and Old Maid's lane. I'll have posted a trustworthy guard nearby. Tell your shipping agent to look for the Indonesian leper with the glass eyeball wearing a blood soaked clown suit. Again, can't miss 'em.

That should do it. I look forward to doing business with you. In order to make sure all goes smoothly, however, I'll need some cursory personal information about you. Please reply with the following:

Full name as well as any known pseudonyms, aliases, and noms-de-plum.
Date of birth with accompanying zodiac signs(both standard and Chinese)
Blood type
Affiliations with any and all secret societies(if applicable, leave blank)

Hope to hear from you soon!